you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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