Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You are a genius and a whore.
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