what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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