my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
