Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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