i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
