you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize