He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
