i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
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