The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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