I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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