i was born a porn star she said
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
