Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
