Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The adults are the big ones right?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
