my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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