do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
