He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
