Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
