ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
