and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
