I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
