just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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