8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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