RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
