We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
