is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Houston, we have a squirter
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
