I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
