I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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