You're completely useless in the revolution.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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