If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
