I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize