So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
