in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I am mentally ready for anal.
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