yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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