so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
