why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
