508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
