cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
