she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
