I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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