Don't make out with my wife yet
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
