; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
