dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
