Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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