How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
