I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
