He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
