so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
