dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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