So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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