Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
