Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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