You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
