I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
