@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
