My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize