She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
