I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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