I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
