More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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