Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
