so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I am one with the molecules
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
