bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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