and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just sucked dick on a ferry
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
