While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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