The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
