So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
