guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
