he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
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