Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
