My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
