Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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