lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
