Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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