You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
