I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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