it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
