Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
