I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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