there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
