There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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