Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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