I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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