So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
