he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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